There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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