I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
