Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
