I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
