Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Randomize
