yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Congratulations! We have a period
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