Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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