3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
