I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
