I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
