I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
