I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
