Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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