I need to stop coming to work sober
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
