He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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