That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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