Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
