It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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