I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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