Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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