You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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