I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
