I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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