This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
