I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
