remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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