I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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