I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Your cock deserves a montage
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
