Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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