A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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