It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
