My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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