I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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