My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
