i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
