HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
