Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
