just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
me + whiskey = a bad person
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
