I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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