dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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