just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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