You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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