If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
