I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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