She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
