Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
