I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
