Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
