How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
