Who did Billy Mays play for?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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