Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
