Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize