I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
