New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
