I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
