I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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