whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
