38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
