Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
