why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
