Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
