She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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