White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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