I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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