i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
