Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
